(Office. Mr Boss Man sits at desk. Knock on door.)

MR BOSS MAN: Come in!

(Enter Mr. Zombie Man, dressed in his best suit.)

MR ZOMBIE MAN: Mr. Brains?

MBM: Mr. who?

MZM: Oh, sorry. I have a ... psychological brains which makes me say brains at inopportune brains.

MBM: Ah ... I see. Theodore Zombie Man?

MZM: That's me.

MBM: Riight ... I don't know if you were told this on the phone, but we do require applicants to wear ties to their interviews ...

MZM: I am wearing a tie, brains.

MBM: Oh ... are you? Oh yes! It was a bit difficult to tell, what with the ... the ...

MZM: Human blood ...

MBM: ... the human blood all down your front, yes.

MZM: It IS a red tie.

MBM: Mr. Zombie Man, I'll be frank. Usually if an applicant does not turn up wearing a suit we turn him away straight off.

MZM: But I am wearing a brains -

MBM: No-one is debating that. It's just ... your brains - suit, sorry - is a bit ... scruffy.

MZM: It's my best suit, Mr. Boss Man.MBM: That's a little bit hard to believe, Mr. Zombie Man.

MZM: I mean, I admit it's a bit brains, but you can't really brains your way out of your grave without your clothing undergoing a bit of brains.

MBM: You're telling me you were buried alive in that suit?

MZM: Buried alive? Er, yes ... alive. I'm very alive.

MBM: Let's not dwell on that, shall we? Now, why would you like to become an administrative assistant?

MZM: Well, I -

(Thump)

MBM: Mr. Zombie Man, your arm appears to have fallen off.

MZM: Shall I continue anyway?

MBM: Er ... if it doesn't bother you.

MZM: Okay. Well, I have a long history in brains work -

MBM: Actually no, would you mind explaining why your arm has fallen off?

MZM: Oh. Er, it's false.

MBM: False.

MZM: I lost an arm many brains ago, so I have a false one.

MBM: Oh, I am sorry. Let me pick it up for you -

MZM: No, it's quite alright - oh.

MBM: Mr. Zombie Man, why is there bone sticking out of the end of this false arm?

MZM: I can explain that.

MBM: And why is it dripping unspeakable green goo onto my office carpet?

MZM: I can brains that, too.

MBM: Mr. Zombie Man, I'm going to ask you a question, and if I think you're lying, I'm going to hit you over the head with this remarkably realistic supposedly fake arm. Ready?

MZM: Brains.

MBM: Are you a zombie?

MZM: No.

(Bonk)

MZM: Ow!!!

MBM: You obviously weren't paying attention. Mr. Zombie Man, listen carefully. Do you shamble amongst the walking dead?

MZM: No! (Bonk) Yes!

MBM: I see. Well, I'm afraid there is no place in our company for a carnivorous reanimated corpse.

MZM: Oh, come on! Give me a chance! You've brains my CV!

MBM: Indeed I have, and it's very impressive. But usually a person's achievements and qualifications become void upon death.

MZM: OK, OK, I'm going.

MBM: Don't forget your errant limb.

MZM: Is there brains I can do to change your mind?

MBM: Absolutely not.

MZM: Oh, well in that case ... BRAINS!!! BRRAAAAIINSSSSSS!!!!

MBM: AAAH!!! GET OFF!!!

(CRUNCH, shrompf, shrompf, shrompf)

MZM: Urp.

MBM: Rrrrrr. Brains!

MZM: Good idea. I know a great little place on brains street, they do brains to die for.

MBM: Brains.

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