- Unnaturally coloured hair is a sign of high fertility.

- All subcutaneous fat consumed by women go instantly into the chest or thighs, so the waist can remain at a comfortable six inches across.

- Women love the mattress mambo more than life itself, but never look like they're enjoying themselves throughout.

- All clothing is made from a miraculous water-based material that dissolves gradually during foreplay, and fully materialises again clean and uncreased immediately after sex.

- There are only three kinds of men in the world:
1. Sexual predators who must get laid every fifteen seconds or die
2. Neutral men with no personality who variously seduce and are seduced by women
3. Borderline depressives who are seduced all the time by sexual predator women and agonise about it afterwards, but never actually turn them down

- Men, particularly their reproductive organs, have been known to turn invisible or partially transparent at moments of high passion.

- Female reproductive organs are sometimes pixellated.

- Breasts the size of grapefruits are considered average size. Breasts are only considered 'large' when they start generating their own gravitational field.

- Octopi are great lovers.

- Shagging is the universal panacea, capable of curing various neuroses, depression, minor illness, executive stress, acne, syphilis, cancer and braindeath.

- The entire sphere of human existence takes place through a series of still images, which often focus on gratuitous panty shots, extreme close ups and extreme close ups of gratuitous panty shots.

- The world is universally badly translated.

- There are only three kinds of women in the world:
1. Sexual predators who must get laid every fifteen seconds or die
2. Hard-to-get types who are nevertheless gagging for it
3. Wide-eyed virgins who are also nevertheless gagging for it

- There are never more than three decisions anyone can make at any time, two of which don't lead to anything.

- Men have no facial features.

- No-one ever just wants to cuddle.

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