 MORE OF THE 100
QUESTIONS
And
here's the last fifty questions from the lame
circular e-mail I was sent! If you missed the
first fifty, now would be a good time to check them out.
FRIENDS:
51.MOsT
bLoNdE: Unless I'm judging some sort of
'most effective use of peroxide' contest I see
little point in answering this question.
52.FuNnIeSt:
TaLLeSt:
SmArTeSt:
BeSt pErSoNaLiTy:
BeSt aLL aRoUnD pErSoN: Why, exactly, do
these five questions apparently only count as
one, while 'Most Blonde' gets a number all to
itself? Are you compiling some sort of
international population database based on how
blonde everyone is? Still, I shouldn't make fun,
as I myself have had my proposal for a worldwide
database of 'number of times people have seen
When Harry Met Sally' rejected many times.
53.
What do you think of soul mates? Interestingly,
it's the only film I can find on the IMDB that
doesn't have any positive reviews. Look!
54.
Is it right to flirt if you have a bf/gf?
You're writing a circular email. Do you really
think this is going to apply to most of the
recipients?
55.
What was the last thing you cried over or got
teary about? Trying to come up with a
funny answer to question 51.
56.
wats something about guys/girls you don't get:
Venereal disease, but then I'm always careful.
57.
Are you happy? No.
58.
Why? See question 55.
59.
What's an object you can't live without?
My central nervous system.
60.
Love or lust: There's a difference?
61.
Silver or gold: Depends. I've personally
never met any athletes say they're 'going for
silver', but then 'Gold' isn't a very good name
for a horse.
62.
diamond or pearl: Hmm. Rocks or oyster
shit. Decisions, decisions.
63.
Sunset or sunrise: Oh, please. I can't
say I have much enthusiasm for different stages
of the Earth's rotation.
64.
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: I
made a candle in art class once, if that's what
you mean.
65.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Yes.
Well, they're well and truly stuffed by morning,
anyway. Rowr!
66.
Do you have any piercings: Only when I'm
receiving innoculations.
67.
what colour underwear are you wearing right now:
'Forest Opal'.
68.
What song are u listening to right now?
'Build me up Buttercup'. And you can be sure
that's the only honest answer I'm going to give,
as I found it rather spooky that this test knew I
had my mp3 playlist on the go.
69.
What are the last four digits of your phone
number? Why? Are you running a lottery?
70.
Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?
All the way, I would have hoped.
71.
Who do u want to spend the rest of your life
with? The first person who can tell me
the name of Alvin Stardust's follow-up to 'My
Coo-Ca-Choo'. Answers on a postcard. Employees of
Fully Ramblomatic and Lance & Eskimo not
eligible.
72.
What's the first thing you notice about the
opposite sex: The outer skin layer.
73.
Favourite sport? That one with the two
guys.
74.
What makes you happy? I can't say, as
they're illegal in most countries.
75.
What's the next c.d/s you're gonna get?
You know, it really isn't that difficult to type
the word 'CDs'.
76.
Do u wear contacts or glasses? Is this
another of those Either/Or questions? Because if
it is, then congratulations, you've finally
realised your audience.
77.
What's the best advice given to you?
"Get the hell off that transformer, you
fucking lunatic!"
78.
Have u ever won any special awards? My
mum thinks I'm special.
79.
What are your future goals? Finish this
test without pulling my eyes out.
80.
whats the worse sickness you've had? I'm
not sure of the exact details, but I know I woke
up afterwards on the Basingstoke roundabout with
blood on my hands.
81.
Do you like Funny or Scary movies better:
There's a difference?
82.
On the phone or in person? You can't
have sex with a phone. Well, you can, but it puts
the person on the other end in a very awkward
position.
83.
Hugs or kisses? I refuse to answer this
question, as I am a man. I am too busy doing
press-ups and grunting.
84.
What song seems to reflect you the most?
'Smack My Bitch Up' by the Prodigy.
85.
If you died tomorrow who would you leave
everything you own to? I wouldn't care,
as I would be dead.
86.
Do u have any enemies? No, but I have a
feeling I'll have made a few by the end of this
article.
87.
What is your greatest fear? Finding a
penis in my trousers that isn't mine.
88.
Would you rather be rich or famous? I
don't really mind. They can both get you good
tables at restaurants.
89.
What time is it in Albania now?: You've
obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a
shit.
90.
Have you ever been in love? Not since I
got the restraining order.
91.
Have you met Santa? Look, I know you're
running out of ideas for questions, but you
haven't even asked me if I'm a virgin yet.
92.
If E.T. knocked on your door holding up a peace
sign and asked you to use your phone, what would
u do? Lay off the answer to question 74.
93.
Last time you talked to the person that you like:
The last time I watched Army of Darkness, but he
didn't answer me.
94.
Do u have any pets? There're probably a
few dust mites in my carpet.
95.
Whats your email address? You must know
it if you sent this test to it, you bloody idiot.
96.
Last time you were depressed: From about
the time I started this quiz to round abooout....
now.
97.
Are you an alcoholic? I am now.
98.
Who sent this to you? Ben 'Space Monkey'
'Jest ye not madam' Hall.
99.
What do you think of this person: (this
space intentionally left blank)
100.
Do u want your friends to write back?
Yes, as long as their mail incorporates the
following text:
"Hey
Yahtzee,
That
test was fucking lame.
And
you are fucking lame for writing two updates
about it.
In
order to motivate you towards writing better
stuff, please help yourself to everything I own.
Yours
sincerely,
(Your
Name Here)"
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