Latest Chris & Trilby comic: New Guest Comic!
25/4/05:
Those Cunning Freudians At Nintendo
If you go and
talk to "smarty" men with "common
sense" who use "facts" to back up
"theories" in an "environment
supportive to philosophical argument",
they'll tell you that Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
on the Nintendo Gamecube is a bog-standard
Nintendo action-adventure wherein a young lad
rescues a princess from a diabolical villain and
saves the world from generic destruction.
This is WRONG.
As I have
recently discovered, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
on the Nintendo Gamecube is, in reality, a
complex Freudian allegory for puberty and a young
boy's struggle to define his sexuality.
Allow me to
explain.
SPOILER
WARNING: Our last stop tonight is Spoiler
Junction. Those of you who do not wish to go to
Spoiler Junction should disembark now at Grand
Central Ignorance.
 |
We open
with our hero (named Link on the rare
occasions when the player chooses not to
abuse the 'pick your own name' privilege)
awakening on his home island, a wide-eyed
(VERY wide-eyed) youngster on the onset
of his early teens, entirely ignorant of
sexual matters and confused by the new
stirring in his loins (see accompanying
screenshot). The game begins when Link's
little sister is kidnapped by the evil
Ganondorf and flown away to his fortress
of horror, and Link vows to bring her
home. |
Link's
sister here represents the feminine ideal.
Although they are blood related and she is
underage (insofar as we can tell in a game where
everyone is built like a toddler), it seems
inevitable that she would have been the first
target of Link's blossoming appreciation for the
fairer sex, being the only female on their tiny
island who isn't fat, old or otherwise engaged.
In snatching her away, Ganondorf is stealing
Link's connection to heterosexuality, in the hope
of eventually luring him over to his dark side of
human lust. Link is given a sword (which he holds
stabbing euphemistically upwards) to defend
himself with, and his grandmother gives him a
shield, being an overprotective parental figure
concerned by rapid sexual development in her
children.
The rest of the
game is a masterfully crafted metaphor for a
young man's sexual journey, in which Link finds
himself caught in the middle of a battle between
the King of Hyrule (representing heterosexuality,
being a 'king' and therefore a figurehead of
ordinary society) and the evil Ganondorf
(representing homosexuality, due to his poofy
hairdo). The game's message, then, is somewhat
conservative, as the player is expected to reject
Ganondorf's implied bum prodding in favour of the
righteous, 'true' way.
Link's first
attack on Ganondorf's fortress ends in failure,
with Ganondorf's pet giant bird (with wings
outstretched, resembling an upside-down triangle,
the sometimes emblem of homosexuality) hurling
Link aside (a symbolic rejection - Link fails to
rescue his incestual sister, thus he is a victim
of cock blocking) and leaving him for dead,
making the premature assumption that he has
succumbed to the gay. He is rescued by the King
of Hyrule, at this stage taking the form of a
magical boat. What shape are boats, generally?
By encouraging
Link to step into the magical boat/vagina, he is
restored once again to the 'correct' sexuality.
Over the course of the game, the boat becomes
Link's permanent safe haven, offering protection
from the rigours of the world. By entering the
nice safe warm vagina/boat, he affirms his
studliness and gains strength. Is it any
coincidence that Link's first task is to acquire
a a great big throbbing mast for his vagina/boat,
or that Ganondorf's henchmen seem hell-bent on
knocking Link out of his ride.
While the King's
offered vagina is nothing but helpful, the
representatives of female genitalia among Link's
enemies are universally negative. No end of
enemies have huge, wide grinning twatmouths, an
undoubtable appearance of vagina dentata (I'll
pause for a moment so that everyone can look that
up. Horrible concept, isn't it), and one boss in
particular quite clearly represents a great big
flapping twat on the end of a big spiny cock, a
possible metaphor for Link's confusion. And then
there's the chomping plant beasts. While not
overtly sexual, take a look at the seeds they
leave behind for you to pick up:
About halfway
through the game Link rescues his sister, and she
plays pretty much no further part in proceedings
- he is no longer interested in her sexually,
having devoted his time instead to the
annihilation of Ganondorf, a remarkably clever
allusion to closet homosexuals being the most
ardent gay-bashers. Seeing this, the King of
Hyrule realises that a new love interest is
required to keep Link's motivation balanced. Step
forward, Princess Zelda.
When we first
see Zelda, she either is or represents the
classic lesbian. She dresses in a masculine
fashion, is the captain of a pirate crew, and
rejects society's preferred image of the quiet,
meek woman. Despite being surrounded by big tough
virile men she shows no desire, appearing
completely asexual. She is initially also
contemptible of Link. The first time she and her
crew appear to do something unselfish is when
they turn up to assist with the rescue of Link's
sister, brazenly illuminating her own desire for
the feminine ideal. The King realises that Zelda
has already strayed from the correct path, so he
has Link bring her to his lair. Before our eyes,
the King literally transforms Zelda, engulfing
her in light. When the glow fades, she is dressed
in a hugely elaborate and impractical ballgown,
and her personality abruptly changes to that of a
stereotypical helpless princess, thus restoring
the male/female dynamic in accordance with the
King's standards. She is promptly kidnapped by
Ganondorf, once again separating Link from the
recipient of his burgeoning heterosexual lust.
But the most
telling symbolism occurs earlier. In preparation
for gathering the Master Sword, Link must gather
three "pearls" from three different
locations, which he must then "deliver"
to a trio of "goddess statues". Even if
this wasn't intended to be a blatant allegory for
impregnation, the object that subsequently rises
from the ocean removes all doubt.
A
GIGANTIC THROBBING COCK TEMPLE!
Quod Erat
Demonstrandum, fuckers.
Next
week: Super Mario Sunshine And Mankind's
Rejection Of The Sacred Feminine
- Yahtzee
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Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
18/4/05:
Maybe Baby
AN
OPEN LETTER FOR PEOPLE PLANNING TO HAVE CHILDREN,
AND ANYONE WHO HASN'T DISCOUNTED THE POSSIBILITY
OF HAVING CHILDREN LATER IN LIFE
(everyone
else relax)
Hello, morons!
You've no doubt
gotten the impression from the media and
overbearing middle-aged spinsters that childbirth
is some wonderful, magical experience of complete
natural beauty and serenity, one step up from an
image of playful dewy-eyed gazelles with shining
coats skipping lazily around the crystal-clear
waters of an unspoilt forest lagoon. You may have
encountered the consensus that having children is
the most beautiful thing a person will ever do.
This is
bollocks.
In terms of
being misrepresented by the media, childbirth is
right up there with sex. Now, if some kind of
horrific lab accident brought all our movies and
TV to life, then sex would only take place
between tanned, good-looking well-endowed models,
who move in languidly erotic fashion while
keeping their pubes hidden behind a convenient
limb. They're all moaners or screamers, and
merely touching each other is enough to make
smooth saxophone jazz start playing in the
background. Anyone who's been involved in real
life sex will tell you exactly how much bollocks
this is. Sex is squalid, uncomfortable, and
messy. A pimply arse bobbing up and down in the
moonlight while you and your partner huff in each
others' ears like asthmatics.
Giving birth is
kind of like that - generally considered
wonderful, actually horrific. It's even worse,
actually, because at least shagging has the bonus
of being basically pleasurable. Squirting out
children is just very very nasty in a quite
unashamedly Gigeresque way. You've got this
horrible bloodstained entity trying to squeeze
out of somebody's orifice that is far too small
to comfortably accommodate it, while both parties
are screaming their fucking heads off. From what
I understand, it really really really really
really really hurts.
SHOCKING FACT -
Some people consider pregnancy to be beautiful.
MORE SHOCKING
FACT - Some people consider pregnancy to be SEXY.
And then, when
the little bastard has finally plopped out, you
take it home and get surrounded by doting female
friends who smother it with praise, firm in the
knowledge they're not the ones who will have to
clean up after it, stop it from crying at night
and keep enough of an eye on it to keep it from
crawling into traffic. In having children, you
have made an unspoken agreement to sacrifice your
own lifestyle in favour of the happiness of this
selfish little crab. Oh sure, you can still try
to work for a living or take a break from being a
parent, but that's giving the kid a first class
ticket to Fuckup Street Station later in life.
And let's not
forget that human beings are old news. There are
over six billion of them walking the Earth as we
speak, and more are born each day than get
killed. Whatever talents your bundle of joy may
have as they grow up, I can guarantee you that
there will be at least ten people who do it
better. Thanks for considering making a donation
to the human race, but I'm afraid it's currently
unnecessary. Call back after judgment day or
something.
I appreciate
some women feel inclined to have children as a
response to some kind of nurturing instinct. If
this is the case, get a puppy. If you're not
convinced, read this chart.
 |
 |
Babies are incredibly
painful to give birth to.
|
The only pain you'll get
from adopting a puppy is having to pick
one from all the ones in the pound.
|
Babies routinely shit
their pants for you to clean up.
|
Puppies shit on the floor,
but can be swiftly trained to do so
outside, where they will fertilise your
garden.
|
Babies scream their heads
off at the slightest provocation.
|
Puppies can just about
whine and sniff.
|
Babies make constant
demands for food and attention.
|
Puppies turn sommersaults
with ecstacy if you just walk into the
room.
|
Babies can barely lift
their own heads.
|
You can take puppies for
walks almost immediately.
|
If the baby can't sleep,
it won't let you, either.
|
Puppies sleep most of the
time.
|
Pretty much anything you
do to a baby could fuck them up for the
rest of their life.
|
A dog in a domestic
setting will be mentally a puppy right up
until they die.
|
Babies look like very
small, very ugly old men.
|
Puppies are SOOOOOO CUTE
OMIGOD SO SWEEEET I JUST WANT TO EAT THEM
UUUUUP
|
At some point, you have to
teach them about sex.
|
You can cut off a puppy's
bollocks and no-one will think any less
of you for it.
|
| When you have a baby, you
have the satisfaction in knowing that
your genes will remain in the human
genepool after you die. |
THEY'RE SOOOO CUTE |
And
remember: when you have a baby instead of getting
a puppy, you doom that puppy that could
potentially have been yours to a life in the
pound, unwanted and unloved, until it finally
dies from neglect, illness, or getting in the way
of another, bigger puppy. Every time you have a
child, a puppy dies.
- Yahtzee
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Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
10/4/05:
Nirates and Pinjas
Every once in a
while, I like to use this site to showcase some
real intelligent thinking and debate. But most of
the time it's shit like this:
CAN NINJAS
CO-EXIST WITH PIRATES?
Read it and be
merry.
- Yahtzee
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Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
7/4/05:
Dance Dance Resolution
I think it would
be pretty safe to say that recent world events
have been a bit of a pisser and no mistake.
Between the war on terrorism and the war in Iraq
(which may or may not be the same thing), the
world is descending into a state of wartorn chaos
and oppression and everyone's waiting for the
communists to come around and beat us with sticks
until we stop believing in the indomitable human
spirit. It is a time of anguish, pain and
uncertainty. Mankind has never needed to express
themselves with dance more.
Yes, dance. Did
a great man not once say "Nothing left for
me to do but dance / all these bad times I'm
going through just dance"? Dance is the
answer to all our problems. Sure, bombers might
drop their payloads down our unsuspecting throats
any second, but getting up and dancing yourself
into a dance high will make all these things
float away. Why, you might even be oblivious of
the white-hot shrapnel that rockets through your
torso until the soft squelch of your lungs
hitting the opposite wall.
With this in
mind, I have invented a special dance that
marries current events with the joy of dance, so
that you can gyrate yourself into a tizzy whilst
assuring your observers that you are savvy with
latest news. I call this dance:
The
Fucked World Boogie!
I'll pause for a
second so that all the people who were fucking
blown away can claw their way back onto the edge
of their seats. And now, a simple step-by-step
guide to this revolutionary new dance.
 |
1.
The 9/11 Jive
With one arm bent at the elbow
with the forearm vertical, smash it
horizontally with the fist of your other
arm. Then change arms and repeat. This
represents the attack upon the World
Trade Centre, but since that isn't
obvious you might want to accompany the
move by screaming "NEEEEEEOWWWWWN
BOOOOSHHH AIEEEE DIE" or "THIS
REPRESENTS THE ATTACK UPON THE WORLD
TRADE CENTRE". |
 |
2.
The Osama Bin Laden Gets Demonised
Shuffle
Hold your arms like a
velociraptor about to attack and bring up
one of your knees, then sharply lean
backwards as if you're Godzilla seriously
debating the pros and cons of laying
waste to Tokyo 'neath your titanic feet.
This represents the manner in which Bin
Laden was portrayed by the media as a
monstrous destroyer of cities, so you
might want to twist your face into a
demonic sneer as you go. |
|
3.
The George W. Bush Invades Afghanistan
Hotstep
Essentially the same as the
Osama Bin Laden Gets Demonised Shuffle,
but do it with glazed eyes and a vacant
grin. |
 |
4.
The United Nations Sweep
Stand defiantly and sweep your
arm across in a gesture of denial, then
repeat with the other arm. This is
supposed to depict the UN explaining to
the US that there is insufficient grounds
for an invasion of Iraq. If you were in
favour of the war, feel free to make an
optional 'wanker' gesture with your free
hand. |
 |
5.
The Ha Ha We're Doing It Anyway So Suck
It Rumba
Turn around and arrogantly shake
your posterior at an imaginary outraged
audience of Europeans and other traitors. |
 |
6.
The Corpse
Immediately hurl yourself to the
floor and lie still for half an hour. It
must be exactly half an hour or the
message is lost. |
 |
7.
Start Again
Get back on your feet and begin
anew, thus illustrating that recent
events are just the latest example of a
larger trend and we are powerless to
prevent our lives from being controlled
by bellicose lunatics with no-one to
answer to. Repeat until nuclear
annihilation. |
SUPER EXTRA BONUS UPDATE!
Hey, fellow
poverty-stricken! I'd like to share a little
frugal recipe I came up with when we ran out of
cookies last night.
Yahtzee's
Drinking Chocolate Surprise
INGREDIENTS: One slice of white bread.
Powdered drinking chocolate. Butter (optional).
1. Toast bread
on both sides with a grill, toaster, or nearest
convenient burning dustbin.
2. Butter toast while still hot so that it melts
quickly (if you're too poor to have butter, just
lick the toast a few times).
3. Sprinkle on drinking chocolate powder
generously.
4. Wait while the powder absorbs the melted
butter. Pass the time by drawing a face on your
hand and pretending you have a friend.
5. Cut into squares for no reason.
6. Eat! It's called Drinking Chocolate Surprise
because, surprisingly, it isn't completely
disgusting.
7. Cry.
Yum yum! If you
enjoyed this taste sensation, I'll be sharing
more recipes for hungry peasants with
understocked kitchen cupboards in future! For the
love of God donate to the site!
- Yahtzee
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Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
3/4/05:
Dead Pope's Society
So said my inbox
this morning. I wasn't aware the BBC were in the
business of snuff films, and they certainly seem
to have gone a bit slack on proofreading, but
there you go.
The pope is
dead. This came as an immense shock to me. I'm
astonished he hung on this long when he already
looked like a member of the walking dead five
years ago. In fact, I'm pretty certain he died in
1994 and what we've seen since then is in fact a
sophisticated automaton constructed from
eggshells and fine china porcelain, which can't
be handled too roughly or its entire skeletal
system will disintegrate. The Queen Mother? She
died in 1976. But technology wasn't sophisticated
back then, so they just shoved a broom handle up
her skirt and puppeted her around galas and
events. It was only in 2001 that the puppeteers
collectively decided that it was time to lay the
old girl to rest, because her hand had fallen off
during a banquet for the German Environmental
Minister and quite ruined a perfectly good creme
brulee.
But I digress.
The Vatican is now short of one pope and everyone
is tacking on their concerned faces and making
solemn speeches to disguise the fact that they
couldn't care less. You'd think, by some of the
eulogies I've been reading, that there's never
going to be another pope again. Well, newsflash,
children: there is going to be another pope, and
another, and another, and unless one of them
turns out to be Ming the Merciless or something
the effect of this on 99.9999% of us will be
precisely dick. They could stick their stupid
pope hat on a broom and it wouldn't make one
nano-iota of difference in the lives of any of
us. Unless you personally were the bloke who
wiped John Paul II's most holy rectum clean after
his most holy bowel evacuations, your life is
going to be exactly the same with a dead pope as
it was with a living one.
But don't let my
shockingly unfounded resentment for Pope Flaky
Skin bother you. Maybe I'm just bitter because
they're never going to let me do the job, as much as that would
kick arse.
Maybe I just hate the fact that the Catholic
Church is so out of touch that they might as well
be riding around on woolly mammoths, and maybe it
scares me that this same institution owns
billions upon billions of lira in land and
property all over the world and have been trying
for umpteen thousand years to mindlessly
propagate the alleged truth of some frankly quite
bizarre mythology with such vehemence as to crush
dissenters underfoot and retard scientific
progress. Maybe it just gets on my tits that no
member of the Catholic Church is ever going to
stand up and say "Oh, I guess we're
preaching a load of old bollocks. Please be
patient while we return all your tithes and land
and bring all those people we killed back to
life."
It's the next
pope I feel sorry for. The last pope's been in
place for twenty-seven years. Twenty-seven years!
You know what it's like when you're replacing
someone everybody's gotten used to.
"Oh
sorry, Mr. Pope, but the old pope always liked to
have all his food liquidised before we brought it
to him."
"No,
you see, the old pope and me had a little
understanding. He didn't mind if I didn't pay my
rent as long as I came and brushed the cobwebs
off the top of his head every afternoon."
"Begging
your pardon, Mr. Pope, but the old pope would
always skip that part of the service so we could
all get home early for naptime."
"No,
you see, the old pope and me had a little
understanding. I'd fuck children up the arse and
he'd cover it up."
Of course, they
have to pick the next pope first. And for me, and
a lot of other people, this will be the first
time a new pope is picked in our entire
lifetimes. I'm not sure how the selection process
goes. Do the cardinals just appoint one of their
number? Do they vote on all the interested
parties? Or do they just hold a big lottery where
the winner becomes pope and the runner-up gets a
set of steak knives?
However it goes,
I'd like to make a couple of suggestions for
candidates:
 |
POPE
CRO-MAGNON MAN
Okay, so he's been dead for a
million years, but for all those people
who've gotten used to their pope being an
old decrepit mummy it wouldn't be too
much of a lurch. He's also been encased
in a block of ice for millenia, but that
would just provide an excellent photo
opportunity as laughing children use him
as a sledge. |
|
|
 |
POPE
BATMAN
Finally, a pope who can cleanse
the underworld of wrongdoers and pray for
their immortal souls when he gets home!
While he may not seem like an obvious
candidate to you, keep in mind that he
has many years' experience in dressing up
effeminately and having rather suspicious
relationships with young boys. |
|
|
 |
POPE
DRACULA
Some might call it a strange
choice, but I think Pope Dracula would
provide a much-needed bridge between the
Catholic faith and the evil progeny of
Satan. Oh, hang on. The body parts of
dead popes are holy relics, and holy
relics are lethal to vampires. So if you
make a vampire the pope, the universe
would explode. Man, this pope selection
process is more complicated than I
thought. |
|
|
 |
POPE
BROOM
Now this is a pope you can get
behind. If, y'know, the floor needs
sweeping. |
-
Yahtzee
updates - features - essays - reviews - comics - games - novels - about - contact - forum - links
Last Week On
FullyRamblomatic...
27/3/05:
Future Imperfect
Hello, children!
Who's ready for an update? Oh, but before we
begin, I'd like to formally request once again
that everyone STOP SUGGESTING CTRL-ALT-DEL FOR MY WEBCOMICS LIST. IF I GET ONE MORE MAIL
EARNESTLY POINTING ME TOWARDS THAT SELF-SATISFIED
UNFUNNY PENNY ARCADE RIP-OFF I WILL COMMIT
SUICIDE BY THE TRADITIONAL JAPANESE METHOD OF
SEPPUKU* AND IT WILL JOLLY WELL HURT.
*Whoa, I just
looked up Seppuku on Wikipedia to check my
spelling and it's even cooler than I thought it
was. Did you know that disgraced warriors had to
write a 'Death Poem' before they started
disembowelling themselves? I wonder if anyone
catalogued them. I wonder if they ever got a bit
samey.
Anyway.
I was doing some
research for my Gridwerx writing and I came
across something that I thought was well worth a
metaphorical back-alley mugging on this website,
so here it is. It's a timeline of future
technology from a website whose name is
absolutely, unequivocally asking for it: BT
Exact. You can check it out here (Note: site down at time
of writing, may be back up by the time you read
this). Adobe Acrobat is required to view it, but
if you're on the internet and you haven't got
hold of that yet then you are clearly a big dumb
jerk.
It was written a
few years ago, in 2001, so let's see exactly how
exact BT Exact were. I will list some of the
funnier headings, and the year in which BT
decided they were destined to come about. With
the premise appropriately set up, let's begin.
2001: AI
Doctors
Just to clarify,
yes, this was written in 2001, and these wankers
thought that robot doctors would come about in
the same year. I'm not sure we want to put our
medical wellbeing into the hands of the
all-powerful machine empire. Did we learn nothing
from Terminator 3? Apart from the fact that
Arnold Schwarzeneggar can act in the same way
that octopi can figure skate.
2002:
Virus aimed at toys released
Did they release
any viruses aimed at toys three years ago? I
don't know, but just to play safe, always tell
your Teddy Ruxpin doll to make sure his email
attachments come from reliable sources before
opening them.
2003:
Chat show hosted by robot
We do have that,
it's called Parkinson HA HA HA HA HA HA HA CHOKE.
2004:
Confessions to AI priest
Oh, I can see
this working.
"Forgive me
father, for I have sinned."
"I forgive you., why do you think I have
sinned?"
"Er... no, I sinned and I want to
confess."
"You sound very uncertain. Why do you sinned
and want to confess?"
"I want to confess because I forced my
little brother into giving it to me up the
arse."
"Ah, I see why you forced your little
brother into giving it to me up the arse."
"What should I do, father?"
"Submit your flesh."
"What?"
2008:
Hospitals use virtual queueing system
So... I guess
that instead of going up to a desk and taking a
number, you put on a VR helmet and experience a
computer simulation of going up to a desk and
taking a number. Seriously, guys, does anyone
know what the fuck a virtual queueing system is
supposed to be? Maybe it's a typo. Maybe they
meant 'virtual queering system', for use by
elderly and infirm patients who crave the taste
of cock.
2010:
Orgasm by email
I'm sure I don't
need to tell you that I couldn't stop laughing
when I read that. How the hell does this work? Do
you get an attachment, and when you open it, the
floppy drive spits a little jet of spunk into
your face? Trust me, future technology people,
you really shouldn't put onto the internet
something that could so horrendously be abused by
spam merchants. Frankly, I shudder to think.
Besides, if making someone come were as simple as
pressing a button, you'd deprive all the internet
nerds of the only exercise they get.
2012:
Orgasmatron
I swear I didn't
make that up, and I swear they didn't give any
information beyond 'Orgasmatron'. I guess the
name was meant to tell us everything we needed to
know. Feel free to decide for yourself what the
Orgasmatron is, its size, and the outcome of its
fight with Gamera.
2013:
Kitchen rage caused by electronic gadgets
Whuh? Kitchen
rage? Caused by electronic gadgets? Oh sure, I
can really see my mum tearing out her hair in
fury shrieking "Damn this sophisticated
microwave oven! I HATE THE WAY IT WARMS MY FOOD
EFFECTIVELY AND CONVENIENTLY!" I know I'm
certainly a powder keg waiting to go off every
time I'm forced to spend time with a kettle.
2020:
Deep underground cities in Japan
"Hey,
Hiroshi, what are we going to do about Americans
trying to dominate the console market?"
"We'll hide in this hole until they go
away."
2040:
Asteroid diversion used as weapon
Now that sounds
like an idea that probably looked good on paper,
or as an attack in a Final Fantasy game, but in
practise I'm sure a lot of flaws would become
apparent. Like how asteroids take too long to
arrive, leaving your target country with enough
time to put together a team consisting of a
strong independent woman, a streetwise black man,
a rugged white hero with a troubled past and a
labrador called Chips to destroy the asteroid and
save the day. And let's not forget that smashing
an asteroid into the Earth to destroy your
enemies is like hurling yourself into the fires
of Mount Doom to get rid of a troublesome mouth
ulcer.
2100:
Between 15 and 95cm rise in sea level
Y'know, that's a
pretty wide margin you have there. Would you like
to be more specific? I mean, this could mean life
or death for Warwick Davis.
51998:
Return of Keo satellite
And I can only
imagine how the Keo satellite will feel when it
returns home to find that an asteroid has wiped
out the entire western hemisphere, the Japanese
have evolved into a race of scuttling mole
people, and all the midgets have drowned.
- Yahtzee
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