The man himself. Composed entirely of straight lines and apparently capable only of moving his eyes, Mike has triumphed through much adversity in his short life. Little is known about this enigmatic figure, except that he works in his local McDonalds and has a brother in North Korea. His mental state is uncertain. Is he really a geometric figure in a two-dimensional universe, or an extension of some lunatic personality? Little can be divulged from his comic strips, as they make no sense whatsoever.

Angular Mike's cohabitee, his relationship with this sentient piece of furniture is unclear. Are they merely friends, or something more? Certainly voices were raised when Mike started storing his underpants in one of Chester's rivals. Perhaps Chester is just an ordinary chest of drawers, given a Tyler Durden-like role in Mike's twisted fantasy world. If that is the case then Mike must be an extremely good liar, as he was somehow able to get Chester a job at McDonald's, too.

John and George brought back to life by unclear methods, the Beatles are incidental characters in Mike's world. But again, are they the actual Fab Four, or conjurations of Mike's insanity given the faces of well-known figures? The fact that Paul McCartney, a notorious vegetarian, orders a Big Mac in the third strip, may answer this question to a certain degree, but who can tell. John and Paul seem to be rebuilding the relationship that went off the rails all those years ago, George is some kind of 'father figure' to the others, and Ringo ... well ... he's just Ringo. He plays drums.

So, what happened to those four ghosts who victimised Pac-man all those years ago? Well, apparently, one of them is in the sideline of being a 'ghost of Christmas past', assigned to haunt Mike. We can't tell which one he is, though, until the comic gets some colouring. We do know that he enjoys television, and always carries a packed lunch.

God's emissary upon Earth. Or is he? He has an evangelical streak and certainly has the pesky habit of curing blindness of those around him, but he refuses to admit his parentage and wears a hat and trenchcoat to disguise himself. So, faith healer with a taste for facial hair, or the real Son of God who, having arrived in a diseased and disillusioned world, decides not to complicate matters by making his presence felt? We may never know the truth.

What do you get if you want to put a hentai girl in your comic strip but you can't draw anime to save your life? That's the conundrum that led to the introduction of the Invisible Hentai Girl. In many ways, her life is tragically ironic. Highly oversexed, she's only truly in her element with no clothes on. But when she's got no clothes on, no-one can see the poor bint! This didn't stop Suspicious Jesus getting his filthy hands on her, however, and now she pertains to be going out with him to catch the attention of our hexidecimal hero. If hexidecimal is the word I'm looking for.